April 2004 WUGGIE'S MUSIC, MEDIA AND MORE!
Ratings System:
++ Christian - made specifically by Christians for Christians
+ Secular - but contains nothing offensive to most Christians, probably made by Christians trying to exert influence in secular media.
M Mature content. Not necessarily offensive, but parents should be careful before allowing exposure to children and pre-teens.
X Mature content. For mature teens, firm in their convictions and morals, who have received much parental guidance.
XX Contains very mature, problematic content. Parents should seriously consider restricting exposure to teens.
XXX Completely offensive. Not only should teens be restricted, but adults may want to question their own exposure.
Jessica Simpson / In This Skin / X
I wanted to give Jessica an M or maybe even a +, because there are some wonderful songs with very positive messages on the disc. This is particularly true of the title track, in which Jessica sings about her own struggle with self-esteem and body image, concluding that no matter what she looks like now or when she gets old, she is a worthwhile person. The hit single, 'With You' also has a great message about being who you are without pretence. I hope that songs gets a lot of play on the airwaves. Ah, but then there's "The Sweetest Sin", the first song on the disc, the one you'll hear first when you put it in your CD player. It's a song about making love. It uses no vulgarity, and the detail only mentions kissing and being skin to skin. I've heard worse. As I read the lyrics, I remembered that Jessica is married, and perhaps this song is a simple love song to her husband, and such an expression of desire is perfectly normal and wonderful within marriage (although for some kids maybe a little ahead of what they are ready for). Then I noticed again the title of the track: "The Sweetest Sin." What she is singing about is not sinful at all within marriage! So is the message that making love is sinful even inside marriage? Or am I to assume that this song is not a song to her husband, but to someone else? Or is it not a personal song at all, just a pop ditty embracing sinful sex as wonderful, that will be picked up and sung and assimilated into the value systems of Jessica Simpson fans?
Over the past year and a half that I've been writing this column, I've received much praise and support, and much criticism. Some of my critics assert that statements like I made at the end of the last paragraph are completely ludicrous, and that just by listening to the song, a teen isn't going to go out and have sex before marriage. My take on this issue is this: Every person is different - different family, different values growing up, different ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality, different maturity level, different ability to screen messages in the media. Some teens could listen to "Sweetest Sin" all day long and be perfectly committed to saving themselves for marriage. Others could find an unintended soul mate in Simpson and use the song as permission to act on similar feelings. That's why I always encourage parents to make their own decisions about what media their kids are ready for, and not rely on what I say. Of course, I get criticism for statements like that too. All of my critics have good points, even if they seem to be competing. The bottom line is - active parenting. I encourage parents to be aware of what media their kids are consuming and, good or bad, use it to pass on good Christian values.
Story Of The Year / Page Avenue / XX
The band's music and lyrics are dark and depressing. Many of their songs a void of hope. They sing about the emptiness in life, often moving from happy thoughts in the opening verses to very depressing, sometimes violent thoughts in the last verses.
I once visited the home of one of my students. She liked to listen to dark music sometimes. She, like many girls her age, sometimes struggled with depression. On her wall was taped a note written in her own handwriting: "When depressed, listen to happy music." She knew all too well how her penchant for dark music caused her to be depressed, and she had to remind herself to listen to happy music. Why weren't her parents helping her with this?
Oh, and just for the record, on its website, the band brags that it has visited the emergency room on every single tour, and that guitarist Ryan Phillips once slept with another band member's mother, sister, and girlfriend all in the same week.
Blink 182 / Blink 182 / XXX
The band's last CD was released in November of last year, and reviewed by me in the January issue. It is still a top seller and in top rotation on local radio stations. I still give it 3 X's. Read the review on line at www.Redeemerbirmingham.org.
Wuggie's ranting and raving
Ok, I'm not a trained psychologist, but I have watched hundreds of kids come through my youth program in the past 5 years, and I've observed one thing.
It is a primary and overwhelming need of every teenager to know that their parents think they have turned out well.
I'm talking about positive reinforcement. I'm talking about expressions of appreciation, love and affection. I'm talking about the words: "I love you" and "I'm proud of you." I'm talking about on a daily basis, constantly looking for reasons to say, "Good job", and "I'm glad you did that." or, "I'm glad you think that way."
Teenagers have just emerged from the most intense period of physical growth of their lives. While they are teenagers, they are experimenting with different identities in an attempt to define who they are and what kind of person they are going to be. Change is a daily occurrence. A teenager is not the same person today as he or she was last week. The positive reinforcement you gave last week no longer applies in their mind. "What about the person I am today?" Is what a teen is subconsciously thinking. Are you still proud of me? Am I still ok?
You expect your teen to do her or his homework. When they do it, it may be common for you to not give them any positive reinforcement at all. "After all," you may be tempted to think, "That is just what is expected." What I am saying is that teens are desperate for your approval, and how sad would it be if you approve of them doing their homework and yet didn't tell them?
I once heard a story about an old married couple. The wife was complaining one day to some friends, "Harold never tells me he loves me." Harold, having overheard the conversation, said, "I told you I loved you on our wedding day. If anything changes I'll let you know." None of us would like our spouse to adopt that attitude. Neither do our kids need that attitude from us.
Some parents have many problems with their kids. Maybe you are thinking to yourself, "If my kid would ever do something I'm proud of, I'd tell him/her." I'm not suggesting that all their problems come from a lack of positive reinforcement, but in these cases, it is imperative that you find something. It is imperative that you find a reason every day to give a compliment, tell them how much you love them, encourage them. There are good gifts in each person. The way to bring them out in your teenager is to identify them and compliment them.
Commonly, teens resist compliments and resist expressions of love and appreciation from their parents. So? That's not an excuse to stop, it's a reason to continue. They are simply testing you to make sure you mean it. They think you'll stop. If you do, it proves them right.
Positive reinforcement is I'm sure not the only thing that is important in parenting. Heck, what do I know about parenting? But I know teenagers, and I know their desperate need to know that their parents think they are turning out well. How many of their actions and attitudes can be directly linked to how they feel about themselves and what their parents think about them? What does your teen think your perception of them is? How can you change that for the better? What would happen if they thought you thought they were the best thing since sliced bread?